Not much to say

This isn't a very interesting or necessary update but since it's been a few weeks I figured I'd say a little something in case anyone is reading and/or cares.
Well, I hurt my back just about 2 weeks ago & that has put a damper on my work out plans. I was actually in the midst of a workout when I hurt myself so even on the days when I've felt somewhat better I've been afraid to do much of anything because I don't want to hurt myself even worse.
On the "bright" side, I haven't had much appetite since I've hurt myself. I've even had days where I've been sick to my stomach with the pain & so I haven't fallen back on my old habit of trying to eat the pain away. I've actually lost nearly 10 lbs since the original injury so I've been pretty happy about that.
I really want to have the motivation to not only get back to working out (because I'm actually eating pretty healthy, not 100% of the time but I'm impressed & surprised by my self control lately) but also the motivation to get to a doctor (probably a chiropractor) and get my back fixed. But I'm not feeling ANY type of motivation when I roll out of bed, feel fine for the first 10-15 minutes then realize that my back ISN'T better and I spend the rest of the day prone on the couch, moving as slowly & cautiously as I can so that I don't send waves of pain throughout my body. Somehow I just haven't felt like getting on the phone to make an appointment (after finding a chiropractor first of course) and then figuring out who will stay with my girls while I go to said appointment. It all just sounds like too much effort & not worth the pain (literal & figurative) to get it done.
So there ya go. That's my update (or my whiny vent as it were). No progress in the working out department but I am seeing the numbers on the scale getting smaller, bit by bit. Here's to the next update being a little less whiny & a lot more positive!

Monday Update

I figured I'd check in & recap my weekend. I feel like it makes me more accountable if I tell people what I am/have been doing.
Friday was a good day all around. I even got in a tiny workout, swimming in my mom's pool. Even though I wasn't really swimming since I was holding AJ, that in itself is a workout as she gets bigger! I also "got" to carry around K, who is currently 36 lbs! Even in water, that is quite a "load". I ate pretty healthy for dinner considering we ate fast food (have you tried the chargrilled & fruit salad at Chik-Fil-A? SOOOO yummy!) and I barely met my water goal. Not sure how that happened, I usually drink WAY more water than I did on Friday.
Saturday was another basically good day. I went to IKEA with my bestie & if you've never gone you may not believe me when I say, THAT was my workout! IKEA is HUGE (kind of funny since most of the furniture they sell is designed to be compact & fit in small spaces) & it takes at least an hour to get from the front door all the way to the checkout. I even scored 2 totally cute aprons that were in the "as-is" section so they were discounted! Getting all my water to drink was SO EASY since I was out in the hottest part of the day. I felt like I couldn't get enough water to drink on Saturday!
Yesterday was Father's Day & believe me when I say it was SO HARD to eat healthy! I made Mark & the girls an oven baked peach french toast & cheesy/bacon scrambled eggs. I will admit to eating a few bites of the girls leftover french toast (but I made it with whole wheat french bread so that makes it healthy-ER right?!?) but then I made myself a spinach & protein smoothie that was pretty good too. I forgot to mention I made a really good, very healthy & balanced dinner on Saturday night (peachy chicken & brown rice~I even kept track of what I put in it & how much if you want the recipe~only 353 calories a serving!) so I had a serving of that for lunch yesterday. For dinner we went to my in-laws house to celebrate Father's Day with my father-in-law, Mark & our brother-in-law, who was celebrating his FIRST father's day! My wonderful father-in-law grilled "make your own" kabobs (chicken AND steak with LOTS of yummy veggies my great mother-in-law chopped up) and I brought a cucumber fruit salad that was really good. The "boys" (all grown men but still) & my little girls all got in the pool and so did my adorable little 10 month old niece. I put my feet in but that was all I was willing to do. Surprisingly my lack of desire to get in the pool had nothing to do with my body image. I was just feeling lazy & didn't want to go to the trouble of getting in my swimming suit! We finished the night with some (WAY TOO) good fruit pizza my mother-in-law made and I can honestly say it was good enough that I *almost* don't regret going over my calorie goal!
Today has started out pretty well. I ate some of the cucumber fruit salad and then got down to working out. I did a full upper body workout (almost pooped out a couple times but I am proud to say I didn't!) and got in some core exercises too! 25 minutes on the elliptical & now I'm ready for lunch! I've also already reached my water intake goal, something about working out in AZ makes it SUPER easy to want to drink enough water~and FAST!
Anyway, I'm feeling pretty good physically & mentally I'm super proud of myself. I'll be even more proud when I can check in this weekend & say I've worked out & eaten well all week!

a long awaited (and mostly pointless) update

I've been off the wagon for a while now. I had spurts of good intentions followed by long periods of indifference coupled with active sabotage. But I feel ready to really commit & make the changes I've been avoiding.
I saw my doctor this morning to follow up on my Phentermine prescription from a few months ago. I was down less than 20 pounds in just over 3 months. Not so stellar considering I know what I could've been down had I been diligent but I'm determined not to beat myself up over that.
While I waited to be seen I set about making a workout routine. The thing is, I know what to do to achieve my goals, I really do. Its the actually DOING what I need to do that I seem to get stuck on. Now I have a workable routine, nothing too crazy & it is all stuff I can do, here at home, even if my girls are around & underfoot (as they are wont to be). Mostly just light weight lifting/strength training but I don't want to attempt too much & get discouraged  (followed quickly be giving up if my past is any indication).
I also have a plan to begin a couch to 5K program in 2 weeks. The start date for that was originally 2 weeks ago but when I went to download a program for my iPod I discovered that my iPod wouldn't support the 3rd party application necessary & that was a good enough excuse not to start. I did discover that an iPhone will support the application so, next Wednesday, I'm going to join the rest of you in smartphone world & upgrade my poor little slider for an iPhone. Once I have that up & running (haha, I'm so punny!) I'll be fresh out of excuses & I'll begin. I'll be sure to update as soon as I actually achieve my first day of the program.
So that's where I'm at right now. I'm allowing myself until Monday before starting the new workout routine but I'm determined that I'll eat healthy over the weekend. So far so good, I've even joined myfitnesspal.com (apparently its better/easier to use than livestrong.com~which is what I had been using) and have tracked both my breakfast (spinach berry protein smoothie) and lunch (grilled turkey burger with provolone cheese). I only have 2 more cups of water to drink before I reach my water intake goal (easy peasy in hot AZ weather!) and I'm already thinking about a healthy dinner for tonight.
Have a healthy, active Father's Day weekend!

No pedi for me

I'm sad to report that I am not going to be able to get a pedicure today. I did not meet my goal of getting to 228 lbs this week so I will keep my old, chipping color & wait until I finally reach my goal. At least I didn't gain this week...

In other news, I am contemplating re-joining a gym instead of continuing with boot camp. While I <3 boot camp & the amazing workout I get there I am having SUCH a hard time getting up to get there on time. The baby STILL isn't sleeping through the night (she's not even 5 months old yet, I guess I could cut her some slack) and even though Mark gets up with her more often than not my sleep is still broken and it makes me more tired than a full night's sleep would. I feel terrible paying for the monthly fee and than sleeping through it more often than not. Also, now that AJ is older I could take her to the gym with me (she & K could go) if I join a gym with a decent kids' club. That way I could go after Mark & the big kids are off for the day and still get the sleep I seem to be needing right now.

I'm also still not running, like, ever. It has been BEAUTIFUL in the mornings this week & it has made me LONG to put on my running shoes and just go. I haven't been able to, or rather, I haven't felt comfortable doing that. With Mark on nights I just didn't feel right leaving K awake (AJ was still sleeping in the room with Mark every morning) while I went for a quick jog. Even though I was most likely only going to be gone 20 minutes max (that's one episode of Team UmiZoomi) I just didn't fell like that was a good idea. Now that Mark is off nights I won't have that as an option even. Still trying to figure out when would be a good running time. Joining a gym is starting to look better and better (even though I don't care for running on a treadmill that option is better than getting up at 6 or something to run).

There you have it, I'm still above 230 lbs, my toes are still wearing old, chipped polish & I might be joining a gym. Oh, and I'm going shopping today to spend money on some shorts. I'm not terribly happy about that but I REFUSE to wear sweats and maternity shorts this summer and it's already getting hot here. Good times...

A wedding & a pedicure

So, I've been REALLY off the wagon. I haven't worked out in 2 weeks (unless you count all the work it took ridding our kids & our house of LICE the week before last) and I've been less than diligent with my diet.
But now Mark & I have a wedding to attend in a little less than 3 weeks & I am motivated to look better than I do now! We'll be seeing family & friends we haven't seen for quite some time. Some we just saw at Thanksgiving and since I was 37 weeks pregnant at the time I KNOW I'll look better than the last time they saw me. The others we haven't seen since my sister-in-law got married in October of 2010 when K was about 6 months old. I like to think I already look better than I did then but I don't really know.
Anyway, Mark is working nights for the rest of this week so boot camp is out until next week. I have intentions of using my elliptical every day & I know the BL:UW workout would probable be beneficial too. We'll see if my motivation extends to actually working out or not. I have started out the day eating better than I have in a weeks & I know it sounds silly but I already feel lighter. So I'll be keeping up with the clean eating & watching my carb intake.
And I'm *thisclose* to reaching my goal of being under 230 lbs and being able to get a pedicure. I haven't had one since February & it is getting almost painful to look at my feet. My color isn't too bad but my toenails are SO LONG! I don't know why the sight of my feet hasn't been enough to get my butt in gear and work off the 3 lbs necessary for me to be able to get the pedicure (I want to be 228 before I get one so I know it isn't a fluke) but it hasn't. I'm really looking forward to seeing the numbers on the scale go down enough that I can treat myself to the relaxation & beauty of a pedicure, hopefully this Saturday! I'll update (with a picture even!) once I reach my goal & have pretty toes to show off.

My weight loss secret

After a VERY stressful week at our house where I got no more than 6 hrs of sleep (and as little as 4 more than once) each night & ate no less than 3 mini Twix bars a day and only made it to boot camp ONE day, I lost 4 lbs in 5 days.
Yeah, it's nice to see the numbers on the scale go down but if THIS is the only way for me to drop the pounds I want to shed, I think I might have to change my mind about the old "fat & happy" lifestyle...
Oh, and~due to Mark's work schedule the next 2 weeks I will most likely NOT be able to participate in Pat's Run. I'm kind of bummed but also a little relieved as I haven't trained at all. Lame, I know. I still have aspirations to do the Turkey Trot this Thanksgiving, that's gotta count for something!

Still not training

I went to boot camp this morning. It was so much harder than I wanted it to be. Not that I don't love & appreciate a challenging workout, because I do. Today just felt like the first day & I know it is because I only worked out twice last week. What can I expect when I got sick on top of having my period (and a RIDICULOUSLY heavy one at that)?
But I hung in there, almost to the end. Mostly because I am so tired of being fat & out of shape. (quick side note: IF I ever get pregnant again would someone PLEASE remind me~preferably often and vigorously~how much I hate the task of getting BACK in shape so that I can at least sort of STAY in shape? Please?!?) The other part is the fact that I signed up for Pat's Run & I (possibly foolishly) signed up as a "jogger" rather than a "walker". I also estimated I would be done in an hour or less. (I thought I estimated at an hour& 10 minutes but on thinking about it more I am pretty sure I had delusions of more skill) So I feel that I need to do push myself through the feelings of tiredness & get myself in better shape, FAST. (as you may notice by the countdown in my sidebar I have approximately 46 days left before the run~insert scared face here~)
Now, boot camp is a KILLER workout. I know that in short order I will be more fit & feeling stronger. I also know that as I continue going my endurance & stamina will also increase, as will my speed when running (or jogging or just walking along). However, I'm pretty terrified that roughly 45 days isn't enough to get me to a point where I won't be ashamed of myself and my run time. So that means I need to be running outside of boot camp. And have I begun my race training you ask? No, I have not (hence the title of this little rant).
I have all the valid reasons in the world. Like last week, sick and "losing my transmission" as my good (and hilarious) friend Erin would say. On top of that, my iPod isn't charged. And if it were, I don't have a playlist of songs suitable for keeping me motivated for a run. Plus, its still pretty cold in the mornings here (yeah, I said cold. 45 degrees IS cold in Arizona, okay?) and I only have about 30 minutes after boot camp before I have to get my kids up & going for the day. Did I mention that my baby isn't even 3 months old yet?
(Do I have enough reasons yet? I can probably think of a few more)
As I type this I am looking at my "reasons" and I know what they really are; excuses. Lame, weak, crybaby excuses. Because I also know that when it REALLY mattered to me I made every single one of those excuses mean NOTHING when I was training for my first 10K. And I know I can do that again. I just have to commit to it & follow through with my commitment.
So I'm going to post this here in the hopes that by publicly announcing my goal it may entice me to follow through. My goal is to run a minimum of three times each week (M-F) with another run at least every other Saturday. I know that time constraints will keep me to one mile during the week & I will strive for 3 miles on Saturdays.
Now, if you see me or should feel inclined to comment here, will you please ask me how I'm doing and if I've gotten in a run? Thanks.

My cure for menstrual cramps

Is boot camp.
I was hesitant to go this morning. I am having my second period since AJ was born almost 3 months ago (and its only been about 2 1/2 weeks since the last one. awesome) and the cramps are NOT pleasant. I went anyway and about 15 minutes in I noticed that I was feeling GREAT. No cramps, no backache, no nausea (which is another "lovely" symptom I experience these days).
The format today was 30 reps of each exercise and then 5 (hard & fast) wind sprints. I gotta admit, I did pretty good. About halfway through I had to abandon the 5 wind sprints in favor of jogging back & forth 5 times, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to do it at all! I got through the 45 minutes and was pretty proud of myself. I  only had to modify 2 of the exercises too which I was really quite happy with.
Also, you may or may not have noticed the countdown I have going in my sidebar. Well, I'm doing it. I'm doing the 4.2 mile "Pat's Run" that is held annually here in memory of Pat Tillman. He was a football player for both ASU & the Arizona Cardinals before he left his professional career to enlist in the Army in response to the attacks of 9/11. He served several tours before he was killed in combat in 2004. The run is put on by the Pat Tillman Foundation which provides resources & educational scholarships for veterans. This is my first time doing this particular run & I am excited to do it!
I'm taking measurements tomorrow as that is the last day of the month. Here's hoping things are progressing the way I want them to be!

NOT a good week

I only worked out 2 times this week. And one of those times was only 20 minutes. LAME.
But it is that time of year when sickness abounds and not only have I not been feeling 100% (my first period after AJ being born PLUS a super fun head cold) 2 of my girls have also been sick. So I haven't had the energy (mental or physical) to get up and out the door for boot camp.
One bit of "good" news though is that even without working out much I haven't really gained any weight. Which I am viewing as a minor miracle considering that I've also not been eating that great this week either.
Anyway, I have an appointment to see my doctor next Thursday which I am pretty excited (and a little shocked I was able to get in so quickly, I just called on Wednesday!) about. I will be talking to him about getting on Phentermine again. I just have a REALLY hard time getting started on losing weight, I don't want to sit around and wait to see if that has changed (considering this has been how weight loss has been my ENTIRE life that seems unlikely).
So this hasn't been a banner week but not a total disaster either. And I have things to look forward to next week so fingers crossed that I have better news to report soon!

End of Week One

Of boot camp that is.
I am pretty proud of myself. Even though it was hard & I was super tired I had perfect attendance this week at boot camp. That means I got up at 5 a.m. every morning Monday through Friday, dressed in my workout clothes, tied on my running shoes (which, incidentally SUCK and I am going to need new ones soon) and headed out the door by 5:20 to go get my butt kicked. I will also mention (because I'm hardcore and want to brag about it) that I did all that and didn't take a single nap all week!
Anyway, I didn't even end up weighing myself yesterday morning like I usually do but I weighed myself at one point on Thursday and the scale only had me a fraction of a pound down from what I weighed on Monday morning before I started boot camp. Can you say frustrating?!? And I am in that sore muscles so I can't suck in my belly therefore I feel even fatter than when I started phase, which is always a good time when you're losing out on sleep AND working out really hard.
So I'm going to be doing this! As long as I can physically get out of bed and out the door by 5:20 a.m. I will be attending boot camp & working on getting fit and healthy again. I pray that it doesn't take long to break out of my plateau* and that I will be feeling good about my body sooner than later. Until then I'll keep updating my progress, no matter how small.
(this is probably a good time to mention that I bought a new skirt yesterday and it is a size 18! and my size 20 jeans that I bought a few weeks ago are comfortably too big in the waist! i know going down a size in my jeans isn't a good idea yet but fitting in that skirt and being able to wear my jeans without my Spanx is a HUGE deal since I'm stuck at my current weight.)
*disclaimer~part of my plan to break through this plateau is to go see the doctor that prescribed me Phentermine when I was working out & getting fit after my middle daughter was born. Whether that means I'll be getting on that again or not remains to be seen but I'm nervous I'll give up if I don't see some BIG results soon (I am so hard on myself, all I can see is what I can't do/haven't done rather than give myself credit for the things I have accomplished) I'll give up and I just can't do that to myself or my family. Seeing my doctor is just a preemptive strike. I'll update on this after I see my doctor.

Another workout in the books

Boot camp this  morning was great. We were doing a count workout (Jeff does many different formats, some are timed, some are counting & some are both) where we did 50 reps of an exercise then ran the length of the field next to where we workout. Boot camp is held at a public elementary school and the field is probably the length of a soccer field. I wasn't quite sure which part was harder though, the 50 reps of each exercise or the run. Thankfully, boot camp only lasts 45 minutes so I didn't have to worry about it for too long!
Anyway, yesterday was L's 6th birthday and we took her & the other kids out to dinner at Red Robin. I was good and just ordered water to drink and a salad for my dinner (dressing on the side!) but we also got a couple different appetizers AND baskets of steak fries. OOPS! Oh well, today is a new day & I have the chance to make better food choice (thank goodness).
I'm interested to see what the scale says tomorrow morning when I do my weigh in. This is the first week since AJ was born that I've worked out every day and been focused on keeping my eating in check at the same time. Check back and see my results tomorrow. Fingers crossed I see a good number!

Last Meal of a Condemned Woman

or maybe not. But all day yesterday I ate like CRAP!
I want to use the excuse that it was the Super Bowl but I actually started the "festivities" as soon as we got home from church with a HUGE fried egg sandwich (it honestly wasn't too bad; it was egg whites, turkey bacon, provolone cheese & wheat bread) and then I ate probably half of a 8" yellow cake with chocolate frosting. It was only about 2" thick though so that makes it not *quite* as bad, right?
Anyway, Mark invited my dad over to watch the game and Mark is incapable of watching the Super Bowl with out tons of different types of food. He made mini tostadas, spinach pinwheels, those pretzel/rolo melt thingies (and if you don't know what those are, count yourself lucky. they are fitness/weight loss sabotage in a convenient bite size) and BBQ meatballs. In addition to that we had cheddar & sour cream potato chips and spicy Chex Mix. I also asked him to puck up some Red Vines licorice (it is my all time favorite candy) so I had some of that too. By the time I was done eating I felt like barfing, that is how much I ate.
All I could think was "I'm starting boot camp tomorrow so I won't be eating like this again. I HAVE to get it out of my system." and so I just kept eating. Truthfully, I still felt full when I woke up this morning...
I went to boot camp, still full & slightly barf-y feeling from last night and I got my butt SOUNDLY kicked. We started with 5 minutes of running, which for me was a *very* slow jog interspersed with walking while I thought happy thoughts like "don't barf, don't barf, don't barf" over & over again. After that it was counting exercises~38 of everything. After each set of 38 we had a little run (again, slow jog/walk for me) and then back for a different exercise. By the end of the 45 minutes I was crouched down on my mat, praying for it to end and feeling like I could happily die.
Now I've been home for 2.5 hours and have gotten my kids up, fed them breakfast, got my big kids off to school and have even eaten something healthy in that time. I don't know if the rest of the day will be productive (I have high hopes that it will!) but I am proud of myself for what I've already accomplished and excited to do it all again tomorrow!
Does that make me crazy?!?

Boot Camp

I had my postpartum check up today & I am so excited to say I got the all clear to resume all activity! That means I get to start boot camp again & I don't think I could be happier! My body changed so quickly and so dramatically when I did boot camp after K was born and I know it'll happen again this time. The best part is that I'm not waiting for a rock bottom moment like I kind of did after K was born. I know what I want for myself & what I expect from myself and I'm going after it!
So expect some updates that are laments to my lost strength and recaps of the butt-kicking workouts I know I'll be getting. Then, in a few weeks/months, look for updates bragging about how strong I'm getting. Because I know me, and I like to brag about that!
Also, I took my measurements on Tuesday. I decided I'm going to weigh & measure and do progress pictures on the last day of every month. While my weight isn't a dramatic change (I'm down just under 11 pounds since the first of the year) I did lose 5-6 inches total, 2 off my hips alone! I'm weighing in "officially" tomorrow. I don't have high hopes for a big number there but I also know I slacked MAJORLY on my eating this week. That's okay, when I start boot camp I won't want to negate all the hard work I'll be putting in by eating crappy so I'll see great results soon enough.
That's all for now. Hope everyone is doing well and getting (or staying) motivated!

Someone tell me it will all be worth it

For some reason, whenever I get ready to either workout or shower AJ decides she NEEDS me. She will cry like her little heart is breaking, even if she was DEAD asleep when I put her down to begin working out or getting in the shower.
I will feed her, burp her AND change her diaper before putting her to sleep so I KNOW I'm doing my part! But as soon as I get started doing something for me, she FREAKS out and it is all I can do to finish what I started.
I know she's only 7 weeks old and that at this age I am one of the few things that will make her happy. And I'm mostly okay with that. But sometimes I just want to cry. I look in the mirror and I see how far I let myself go while pregnant with her (or I look at pictures from before I got pregnant with her) and I just want to do whatever it takes to get back to where I was. Then she starts to cry & I think to myself that I'm just going to give up and be fat until I don't have little people who need me all the time.
I mean, my kids will still love me even if I'm fat & stinky. Mark will too. Unfortunately, I put both Mark & the kids to the test for most of the last 7 years on that one. And I can look relatively cute even if I am dressed in plus size clothes. I know what type of clothes look good on me. I have a pretty face & nice enough hair. Its not like I'd be gross and never put forth effort or something.
But I know that I won't be happy if I give up. I know that I will be so cruel to myself, even if no one but me ever knows the extent of it, I will think & do things that will break my heart. I  know that I will always wonder if Mark will really still love me no matter what. I will wonder if I embarrass my kids by being a fat mom. And I will start to slowly hate my sisters, my friends and myself more & more. I will even begin to wonder if it is worth living when I am so unhappy. I know because those were all the things I thought & felt for YEARS before I finally got serious and took control of my health & physical fitness.
So I'll continue on even when I feel like giving up. I'll let my baby cry when I know she's just fine and I'll stop shaving my legs so my shower can be over faster. I'll even skip cardio on my strength days so she doesn't have to scream any longer.
But please, someone just tell me I'll actually meet my goals & all the times I've felt like a big, fat failure as a mom, wife & person will all be worth it. Please?

Monday, Monday

I'm feeling very blah today. I'm tired and not motivated to workout at all. Luckily my workout on BL:UW (Biggest Loser: Ultimate Workout) was yoga, which was SUPER easy since I'm only doing "light" intensity. My plan is to change that to "moderate" after I see my midwife next month but we'll see.
Anyway, I was also going to do the elliptical for 20 minutes but I am just so tired. I didn't get enough sleep last night (partly my own fault by napping in the afternoon yesterday and partly AJ's fault for wanting to play at 4 this morning after finishing her bottle~little stinker) and apparently one Diet Pepsi isn't enough caffeine to perk up this tired mama.
Now it is almost time for me to get my 2 oldest from school and then it will be homework and chores and making dinner. Not long after dinner is bedtime and then I'll *maybe* have time to get on the elliptical (if AJ will let me, she loves being held~A LOT) but will I have the energy or motivation? Who knows?
There isn't much point to this post other than I didn't meet my goal of updating 3 times last week (I was sick all week & AJ wasn't 100% either so I spent a lot of time holding her while laying on the couch) and I want to do better at that this week. On the bright side (since this has mostly just been a real downer of an update) I weighed myself this morning and I am back down to 248 lbs. If I ever needed MORE proof that carbs are NOT my friend (read carbs as :junk food) that right there is it. I have had very few carbs since Thursday last week and here I am, already 4 pounds lighter! Maybe this will make passing up the carbs the next time I'm under the weather a little easier? Guess we'll see.

252.2 lbs...UGH!

Okay, I'm hating on myself right now. So be prepared for this to be a major whine-fest.
I had two sick kids last week. J & K both had a cold; cough, runny nose, slight fever. Which meant I had them both at home, being sick. Then, Friday was no school and Monday was a holiday. Meaning we basically sat around in sick germs for five days or so. When I started to have some sinus pressure on Saturday I was really hoping it was just allergies or maybe just a headache. No such luck. I was totally sick by Monday (maybe even Sunday night).
When I'm sick I don't work out. ESPECIALLY when I have a head cold. It is just pure torture! I already can't breath well and then throw in any exertion on top of that and it is misery. So I didn't work out at all this week. Then add in the fact that when I'm sick all I want is carbs and junk food and we have a recipe for a SIX POUND weight gain. Yes, you read that right, SIX pounds. Now you see way I'm hating on myself.
Anyway, I'm finally feeling better today and I'm GOING to work out, even if I accomplish nothing else today! I'm going to even double up my work out by doing the Biggest Loser UW and then doing minimum 15 minutes on my elliptical. I have high hopes that by the time I see my midwife for my postpartum check up (which is in just less than 2 weeks) I can see my weight at least in the low 240's. Maybe even in the 230's, that would be awesome!

Remember that "full disclosure" I was talking about?

Well, here goes.
When I decided to REALLY get serious about getting healthy & fit after K was born 2.5 years ago I went to see a doctor. I talked about what I'd been doing up to that point (eating under 1800cal/day, working out 6 times a week) and the fact that in 3 months of doing that I'd only lost TWO pounds. We talked about different options I had for getting the weight off. One was to continue what I was doing for another 6 months, reevaluate where I was at and then sign me up for the lap band weight loss surgery. Another was to get a prescription for Phentermine, a prescription diet aid. I chose the second option.
In the first month of being on the Phentermine I went down 18 pounds. In the second I went down 13. Over 6 months I went from 240lbs to 180lbs. I went from a size 22 pants to a size 14 pants. I went from exercising so I could eat more to eating to live & exercising because it made me feel good.
And while I didn't keep it a secret I also didn't tell many people about the Phentermine. I wasn't embarrassed. I wasn't ashamed. I was afraid. I was worried that people would look at my using Phentermine as "cheating" or that I was too lazy to do the work of getting fit on my own. I didn't want people to look at me like a druggie either.
Anyway, I took Phentermine and I was happy with the results. I was so happy with the results that if I experience a similar difficulty in getting my weight down & reaching my fitness goals this time around I will be making an appointment with my doctor to explore the option of going back on the Phentermine.
So there you have it, full disclosure.

The Biggest Loser

I used to feel like the biggest loser and not in the cool, reality show competition way. I used to feel like I was just "destined" to be the fat sister.

Me (fatty in green on the right) with my beautiful sisters.

I thought I was just "destined" to be a fat mom

Me with 3 of my kiddos

And that was I was lucky to have a husband who would love the fat me for the rest of our lives.

Me & Mark~May '08~approx 225 lbs

Me~May '08~approx 225 lbs

After I had my 3rd child I decided to make a change. I didn't want to be the biggest loser, I didn't want to be the fat sister, mom or wife. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to be fit. I wanted to look good & feel strong. With hard work, healthy eating and the assistance of my doctor I got pretty close to my ultimate goal. Then I got pregnant again and I gave up. I figured I was just going to have to lose weight anyway once my baby arrived so what was the point in keeping it in check? (here's the point, in case you're wondering: it is MUCH easier to get back to a healthy weight if you DON'T gain over 80 lbs during a typical pregnancy)

Now that I'm almost 100% ready to get physically active again (I have my postpartum check up on February 2nd and I expect to be cleared for all activity at that point) I am figuring out how to get myself where I want to be. Part of that is The Biggest Loser.

Mark & my gift to ourselves for Christmas

I did my physical assessment & first workout yesterday. It was NOT easy. It felt like I'd never worked out before a day in my life. It got me sweating & out of breath. And I can't wait to do it again.

There you go, while I'm not the Biggest Loser (yet!) I'm also not the biggest loser. I'm not the fat sister, the fat mom or the fat wife (who is so lucky to have a husband who "loves her anyway"). I'm a healthy, fit, beautiful woman, in charge of my life & my health. You know what? It feels pretty good too!

Oh the weekend...

The weekend didn't start out too bad. I weighed in on Friday & saw that I weigh 250.4 (or was it 250.2? I can't remember for sure) for a total of 7 lbs released since I started keeping track. I feel pretty good about that! Then I took a shower and while I was drying off I noticed something not so good. In case you don't know I had my 4th child last month via c-section. It was my second c-section and my recovery has been going great. So great in fact, that I foolishly walked 3 miles last Thursday carrying AJ in the Moby (and she's over 10lbs now) and pushing K in the stroller. Well, that was overdoing it physically. Then I couldn't get in the shower right away and THAT created the perfect opportunity for an infection to set in in my incision. After having my suspicion confirmed by my midwife I am now on antibiotics for 10 days. She also made sure to remind me that I am supposed to SLOWLY up my activity level over the next few weeks. That means that my plan to start the Biggest Loser Ultimate Workout this week is on hold for another week or so. I will be adding in some light strength training (I bought a resistance band the other night that I want to use for some upper body work) and continuing walking & using the elliptical.
Then Saturday, what can I say? I started out the day really well. My mom stayed Friday night & we got up in the morning and with my mom's support I started some (badly overdue) organizing and cleaning. I felt pretty good for the most part and I got some good work accomplished. I was even eating well (I made a protein smoothie for breakfast and planned a healthy lunch) when I started to feel...bad. Feverish and achy and just overall NOT WELL. I have a bad habit when I'm not feeling well. And that is to eat JUNK, any and all the junk I can. I ended Saturday under my calorie goal but WAY over my carb goal.
I woke up Sunday feeling better but with new pain in my incision. I didn't even feel like I could get out of bed with my newborn. Thankfully Mark was able & willing to take care of her and I slept for a couple more hours. When I woke up again I used the bathroom and instantly felt better. And I learned that I'm still in the phase of c-section recovery that a full bladder = incision pain. Nice. Anyway, I got cleaned up & went to IKEA with my mom & AJ. Again, I was making good food choices and if you have ever gone to an IKEA store you know that it is like walking a few miles at a slow speed. Those stores are HUGE. Plus I was carrying AJ in my Snugli so it really felt like a workout. Well, I got home from being out with my mom and I started feeling hungry, really, really hungry. And I ate & I ate & I ate until I went to bed a little before 8 p.m. I didn't even track all my food because I honestly couldn't remember everything I ate!
BUT, today is the start of a new week and I am so grateful for the chance I have to make new choices. I have eaten healthy so far this morning and I am toying with the idea of taking the girls out for a walk rather than using the elliptical. Either way I am planning some exercise for today & that makes me feel confident.
So, here's to a new week full of good food choices, being active & seeing another weight release for my Friday weigh in!

a TRIUMPH today

I decided to put that in all caps because while it may seem small to some, for me it was HUGE!!!
I took little miss K & baby AJ to the store this morning around 11 to get a few things that i wanted/needed to have in my quest for my perfect body. I told K that if she was good we'd stop and get Wendy's on the way home. Now, before you yell at me let me tell you why I chose Wendy's.
#1 because they have chicken nuggets & french fries which is pretty much the only type of fast food K will eat (other than bean burritos from Taco Bell) and #2 because they have this super delish salad~Apple Pecan Chicken salad. I planned on getting the half size with a full chicken breast without the pecans (which are probably fine for my eating changes but I just don't like pecans). Made that way, with the dressing it was still under 300 calories.
Anyway, she was good, we got Wendy's and headed home.
When we got home I started putting K's food on a plate and as I got the fries out of the bag one fell out. Without really thinking about it I popped it in my mouth, like I've done probably THOUSANDS of times before. This time was different. Before I could start chewing it the thought came in my mind "is this one fry really worth what it will take to work it off?" and I realized that it wasn't! So I spit it out in the trash.
Now, like I said, that may not seem like a huge accomplishment but for me it REALLY is. I am guilty of mindlessly eating WAY too often. Actually THINKING about what I'm putting in my mouth BEFORE I consume it is a HUGE step for me, one I will work HARD to keep up.
So there you have it. My triumph for today. Here's to more tomorrow and every day after that!

Body Distortion

Or at least my mental image of my body is distorted. Is that the same thing?
Anyway, I was just reading on another blog (a friend from online she's in my sidebar~Our Family~) about how women are secretive about our weight. I have said to Mark before how it isn't like people can't just look at me & see that I'm fat. Even when I'm wearing clothes that fit & flatter my body, when I'm fat a person can tell. In fact, other people probably can tell BEFORE I can, because of this body distortion thing.
On the flip side of that I discovered that most people can't tell JUST how fat I really get at times. I know it isn't strictly "fat" when pregnant but I was pushing 300 pounds just 4 weeks ago. The only people who KNEW were the healthcare professionals at my OB's office and people I told my weight to. And now all of you reading this! I was 292 lbs at my last office visit before I went in for my c-section. That was on 12/05/11. AJ was born on 12/08/11 and by 12/31/11 I was already down to 257.4. That is almost 35 pounds released.
Well, AJ was nearly 10 lbs so that went as soon as she was born. Then there is all the fluid and "stuff" that goes along with being pregnant. From what I know that is another 10-15 lbs. I was retaining LOTS of water this pregnancy so as soon as THAT went away~BAM~35 pound weight release in 3 weeks.
Anyway, now that I'm working out and eating better I'm NOT worried about telling people my weight. I'm proud of every pound gone, even if the ones left are still high numbers. Because I'm working on it, I'm focusing on getting healthy and every pound gone means I'm that much closer to the healthy, physically fit woman I want to be.
I'll leave you with a visual of what nearly 300 pounds looks like on me. Enjoy?

12/08/11~5:25 a.m.~approx 292 lbs

12/07/11~8:30 p.m.~approx 292 lbs

My first 2012 "workout"

I am REALLY proud of myself. I have quite a bit of laundry to get caught up on, I'm running on around 3.5 hours of sleep and there was no way in HADES I was going to get out of the house for a walk around the neighborhood today.
So I got in my workout clothes, got my iPod and hopped on the elliptical for 20 minutes!
When my 20 minutes was over I felt really good. I felt like I could've gone for longer but had worked hard while I was going. I have MISSED that feeling!
This Thursday I can begin a "real" workout routine and while I know I'm healing well I am feeling like I'll wait until next Monday to start. Mark & I got ourselves the Biggest Loser: Ultimate Workout game for our Xbox Kinect for Christmas and I will start that.
I AM thinking that a run (read: slow jog with LOTS of walking) sounds good for Saturday. I am so excited to be back physically activity!
P.S. I have one load of laundry folded, one washed & in the dryer and another washed WAITING for the dryer. I'm choosing to feel good about that instead of dwelling on the 3 baskets of clean and dry laundry that still needs folding.