a TRIUMPH today

I decided to put that in all caps because while it may seem small to some, for me it was HUGE!!!
I took little miss K & baby AJ to the store this morning around 11 to get a few things that i wanted/needed to have in my quest for my perfect body. I told K that if she was good we'd stop and get Wendy's on the way home. Now, before you yell at me let me tell you why I chose Wendy's.
#1 because they have chicken nuggets & french fries which is pretty much the only type of fast food K will eat (other than bean burritos from Taco Bell) and #2 because they have this super delish salad~Apple Pecan Chicken salad. I planned on getting the half size with a full chicken breast without the pecans (which are probably fine for my eating changes but I just don't like pecans). Made that way, with the dressing it was still under 300 calories.
Anyway, she was good, we got Wendy's and headed home.
When we got home I started putting K's food on a plate and as I got the fries out of the bag one fell out. Without really thinking about it I popped it in my mouth, like I've done probably THOUSANDS of times before. This time was different. Before I could start chewing it the thought came in my mind "is this one fry really worth what it will take to work it off?" and I realized that it wasn't! So I spit it out in the trash.
Now, like I said, that may not seem like a huge accomplishment but for me it REALLY is. I am guilty of mindlessly eating WAY too often. Actually THINKING about what I'm putting in my mouth BEFORE I consume it is a HUGE step for me, one I will work HARD to keep up.
So there you have it. My triumph for today. Here's to more tomorrow and every day after that!

Body Distortion

Or at least my mental image of my body is distorted. Is that the same thing?
Anyway, I was just reading on another blog (a friend from online she's in my sidebar~Our Family~) about how women are secretive about our weight. I have said to Mark before how it isn't like people can't just look at me & see that I'm fat. Even when I'm wearing clothes that fit & flatter my body, when I'm fat a person can tell. In fact, other people probably can tell BEFORE I can, because of this body distortion thing.
On the flip side of that I discovered that most people can't tell JUST how fat I really get at times. I know it isn't strictly "fat" when pregnant but I was pushing 300 pounds just 4 weeks ago. The only people who KNEW were the healthcare professionals at my OB's office and people I told my weight to. And now all of you reading this! I was 292 lbs at my last office visit before I went in for my c-section. That was on 12/05/11. AJ was born on 12/08/11 and by 12/31/11 I was already down to 257.4. That is almost 35 pounds released.
Well, AJ was nearly 10 lbs so that went as soon as she was born. Then there is all the fluid and "stuff" that goes along with being pregnant. From what I know that is another 10-15 lbs. I was retaining LOTS of water this pregnancy so as soon as THAT went away~BAM~35 pound weight release in 3 weeks.
Anyway, now that I'm working out and eating better I'm NOT worried about telling people my weight. I'm proud of every pound gone, even if the ones left are still high numbers. Because I'm working on it, I'm focusing on getting healthy and every pound gone means I'm that much closer to the healthy, physically fit woman I want to be.
I'll leave you with a visual of what nearly 300 pounds looks like on me. Enjoy?

12/08/11~5:25 a.m.~approx 292 lbs

12/07/11~8:30 p.m.~approx 292 lbs

My first 2012 "workout"

I am REALLY proud of myself. I have quite a bit of laundry to get caught up on, I'm running on around 3.5 hours of sleep and there was no way in HADES I was going to get out of the house for a walk around the neighborhood today.
So I got in my workout clothes, got my iPod and hopped on the elliptical for 20 minutes!
When my 20 minutes was over I felt really good. I felt like I could've gone for longer but had worked hard while I was going. I have MISSED that feeling!
This Thursday I can begin a "real" workout routine and while I know I'm healing well I am feeling like I'll wait until next Monday to start. Mark & I got ourselves the Biggest Loser: Ultimate Workout game for our Xbox Kinect for Christmas and I will start that.
I AM thinking that a run (read: slow jog with LOTS of walking) sounds good for Saturday. I am so excited to be back physically activity!
P.S. I have one load of laundry folded, one washed & in the dryer and another washed WAITING for the dryer. I'm choosing to feel good about that instead of dwelling on the 3 baskets of clean and dry laundry that still needs folding.

The Last Day of my Last Fat Year

It has probably become apparent with the frequency & the topic of my recent updates here that I am gearing up to return to physical fitness. This is possibly the most talked about, blogged about & google searched topic right now.
Tomorrow is a new year. I'm not pregnant, not getting pregnant and, while I will still be recovering from my most recent c-section; I am so close to being able to begin a fitness regimine that I will be slowly working up to it over the next few weeks. And my goal is to be more fit than I've ever been before when New Year's Ever 2012 rolls around.
So even though the timing would suggest this is my resolution for the New Year, the fact is that this is my resolution for my life. I resolve to be healthy & fit regardless of what life, the universe, my kids, whatever has in store for me. For the rest of my life.
Who's with me?

Presence the Positive

One of the most important aspects of getting fit is:

~PRESENCE THE POSITIVE~

What that means to me is that when I look at myself, when I weigh myself, when I talk about myself I will talk about the positive things I think, see & feel.
For example; instead of talking about my weight "loss" I will talk about the weight released. Instead of seeing the distance I still have to go when I look in the mirror I will rejoice in the distance I've already come. Instead of telling myself how terrible my food choices were at the end of a day I will think about the good, healthy food choices I will make the next.
This is one of the things I know I can do to assist myself in reaching the goals I have set for myself. When I presence the positive I KNOW I am a beautiful, fit, healthy woman!

Rewards for meeting goals

I think I've talked about this before but I want to revisit the topic of rewarding myself for meeting either fitness or weight release goals.
I was doing so good for such a long time that when I hit my plateau (before getting pregnant again) that it was difficult for me to hold myself to my resolution of only rewarding myself for meeting my goals. So now I'm looking for a new reward system that I will actually hold myself to.
Should I make it that each 20 pounds released will be a small shopping spree? Because 20 pounds is a clothing size or two and I know that baggy clothes do NOT camouflage the fat~they just make me look fatter! Or will I stick to it if I resolve to only get pedicures when I've released the 20 pounds? What about getting a message once I reach my pre AJ pregnancy weight? Maybe reward myself with FINALLY using that Dolce spa gift card and have a spa day once I'm back under 200 pounds?
I still have the goal of getting that Coach bag that I've talked about a few times. What goal will THAT be the reward for? Maybe when I'm out of double digit pants size? That is something I've never done before (I was getting close before I lost my will power or whatever it was last year) and I really want both~pants that have a single digit for the size AND that GORGEOUS Coach bag!
What kind of rewards are you planning for yourself? (in case I want to steal your ideas)

Starting over from scratch

Well, it's been some time since I've posted here. Not long after my last update I got pregnant with my newest little girl (and most likely last child). So she's here now, I'm 18 days postpartum and I gained a RIDICULOUS amount of weight. I'm pretty sure it was 85 lbs. I've lost 35 lbs already, having a nearly 10 lb baby and a TON (like 25 lbs) of water weight will do that though. Unfortunately I'm still over 250 lbs~SO not cool.
Anyway, because I had a c-section I get to wait until I'm 4 weeks postpartum to begin working out again. And when I do start working out again I get to start slow and build up. Otherwise I risk reopening my incision or something like that. Cool right? So for now my goal is to walk every day for the next couple weeks until I get to 4 weeks postpartum and to watch what I eat. I'm going for high protein and from getting my carbs from fruits, veggies and whole grains.
I haven't had the courage to take a picture of my train wreck body yet but when I do I will share it. This time around my goal for my blog is to update 3 times a week and full disclosure...and that includes the progress pictures, no matter how horrifying I find them to be.
So, follow along with me while I journey to find my perfect (read:healthiest) body. I know it's in here somewhere...